Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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