I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
