You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
