I just cut my nipple shaving
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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