Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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