I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
