it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
