nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
People in love make me want to vomit
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
