Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
