So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
