I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
