Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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