she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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