Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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