Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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