How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
