I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
