I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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