I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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