Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
