You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
