i barfeds in our rink
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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