i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
