bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
