if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
4 words: hood of his car
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
