Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
