i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I want to fling myself into the sun
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
