she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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