there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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