Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
