Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
