I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I cannot find my penis.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
