I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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