I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
