my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
