I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
