he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
