Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm just crazy horny about you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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