so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
