Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
