How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
