So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
