The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
