I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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