We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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