ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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