This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
