dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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