Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
