they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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